From February

One of my friends, Daphne Knecht, Passed away recently. To be completely honest I didn’t think it was going to affect me very much; then again I didn’t really believe she was going to die. The week of her death I felt completely overwhelmed with these unexpected emotions. After holding it in for a few days I finally cracked. That was the same day that I was scheduled to speak for prayer meeting. This was my talk:

JJ Heller sings one of my favorite songs called “Your Hands”. The song starts off with, “I have unanswered prayers I have troubled I wish wasn’t there. And I have asked a thousand ways that you would take my pain away. But When my world is shaking Heaven stands. When my heart is breaking I never leave Your hands.”

Some of you already know that today wasn’t great for me. I woke up this morning just feeling completely overwhelmed. I could feel my stress and anxiety to my core. The first of my 100 prayers this morning was. “ God, You’ve got to help me today because I’m having a hard time even wanting to try today.” Like I said that was the first of my 100 prayers. The whole day I felt heavy and burdened. Not very far into my day, first period actually, two of my students Virginia  and Jeroleen asked if I was ok. I tried nonchalantly to assure them that I was fine just a little sad. Jeroleen, God bless her said, “ just remember what the Bible says  Miss.” I know she only meant well but her words gave me a pain in my chest. Because I had remembered what the Bible says, I had quoted scripture  just to get myself out the door, I had prayed a thousand times and NOTHING HAPPENED! Nothing took it away. So what do you do when your faith is failing you?!

The bridge of the JJ Heller songs says, “The hands that shaped the world are holding me; they hold me still.”

So when I have no more faith, I have to depend/believe in what I know. That the God who shaped this world, the God who parted the red sea, the God who raised dead men from the grave is the very same God that is holding me. I just have to trust that God can hold me when I’m…faithless.

Is. 41:11- Fear not for I am with you, do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my victorious right hand.

Amen.